


Atlas Stumbles

by tielan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), This Is Not The Happy Ending You're Looking For, keeping on keeping on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 08:09:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14445012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan
Summary: How do you deal with an impossible magnitude of loss? Steve doesn't know. But women have been doing it since the beginning of time.





	Atlas Stumbles

How do you measure the loss of half a universe?

_I’m not a hero, Steve. I can’t be a hero – and I don’t wanna be. They took that from me as surely as they took my ability to choose. I just...I just want peace._

_You’ll be okay here?_

_It’s Wakanda. Is there anywhere safer?_

Standing at the window of the Princess’ Tower, Steve stares blindly out at the great furrows of destruction. The crepuscular twilight makes a monstrous hellscape of what was, just this morning, a pastoral landscape. In the end, Wakanda turned out to be very unsafe. 

The reports have been coming in all evening and through the night, scattered reports of people turned to ash and blown away, shocked interviewers, some of them thrust before cameras fielded by people with considerably less experience, world leaders struggling through messages of peace and calm that bring nothing of the sort.

Three and a half billion people are gone. And that’s not even counting the collateral damage.

In the car-heavy cities of the world, vehicles careened out of control with no-one at the wheel, smashing into other drivers, death and injury and mayhem. Thousands of planes across the world crashed without their pilots to guide them in, and hundreds more struggled to land.

Bruce said half of the universe would vanish at the click of Thanos’ fingers.

The toll is more than half.

Half of the universe was doing something before they were wiped from existence. Half of the universe had skill and the knowledge of what to do with it. Half of the universe held the heart of the other half, and when they were ripped out of reality—

_We’re not talking about this now, Steve. I don’t have a white picket fence in me – I never have._

_Have I ever asked you for a white picket fence?_

_Not in so many words. But before Ultron—_

_That was before Ultron._

In his chest pocket, his phone sits, silent. He wills it to ring. 

She knows how to contact him – she knows how to contact all of them. And if she were able – if she could make the call— 

He broke their rule earlier. Called the last number she contacted him from – disconnected. In a clutch of fear and anguish, he called the number before that and the number before that and the number before that—

Is it worse to think of her dying by degrees somewhere where she’s unable to reach the services she needs because those who would have provided them are gone? Or did she sift away like Bucky, like Sam, like Vision and Wanda and T’Challa?

_Clint made contact._ Nat said earlier. The streak of tears down her face said the news was nothing good. _They lost the kids. All of them_ . 

Half a universe, half a world population, and those left behind have only half a heart remaining. 

Failure has a weight; the force of it crushes Steve’s thoughts. 

He’s lost Bucky before. Lost him. Found him. Lost him again so he could find himself. Yet that was always the risk with Bucky – someone who walked beside him, fought beside him, who took those risks. 

Maria was supposed to be safe behind the lines. Unseen and unknown and therefore not a target. 

A footfall echoes at the door of the chamber and Steve turns. Okoye comes to stand beside him at the window. 

“How’s the Lady Nakia?”

“She’s resting. A doctor has attended her...” Okoye’s hands fists by her sides. “The child is gone.”

Apologies are inadequate but they’re all Steve has. “I’m sorry.” 

“What kind of monster destroys half a universe?” 

Okoye expects no answer from him. But Steve thinks of the Nazis, of HYDRA, of Ross’ special taskforce holding the Accords over their head. 

He thinks of people who believe they know best and have the power to make that a reality for everyone around them. And he thinks of the people who put safety nets in place, hedging their bets – a team of exceptional people, world security with a support system, a group of friends – contacts – who can be relied upon at any given time. 

_I was...surprised you weren’t involved in the Accords. I would have thought that management of superheroes was right up your alley after the last three years._

_I’m not a man, Steve. I don’t need to destroy what I can’t control._

_And this isn’t control?_

_You know it’s not._

_I do. But sometimes...I could do with the reminder._

He could do without the reminder of her now. Without the wondering and the fearing – the uncertainty. But Okoye’s eyes are upon him, and they see his tension and grief. She reaches out in compassion and doesn’t know she stings a wound. 

“Has Commander Hill not called in?”

“No.” He exhales. “I don’t think she made it.”

“I am sorry. She had a cool head. And a fierce passion for protecting what was hers.”

Protectiveness is not the passion Steve thinks of when he thinks of Maria. But that’s too close for him to say. He’ll choke, and he can’t afford— “Yeah, well...we could use her now.” 

Okoye looks out at the churned ground before them. “She spoke of contacts – of a network. This S.H.I.E.L.D that you took down – some part of it still might exist?” 

“I never asked.” They made the effort not to have work overtake them both during their times together. And it _was_ an effort. “There’ll still be the Avengers facility. And maybe Fury’s networks—Nat might know.”

“Somewhere to start, at least. The _Hatut Zeraze_ have many contacts, too – if they are not also gone. We shall use them to stabilise the world if we must.”

Okoye sounds brisk, and for a moment Steve resents her lack of emotion. Then he feels ashamed of himself. She’s lost her king and friend, along with who knows how many of her warriors and countrymen. Her country is a mess, the line of succession is up in the air, and yet she’s holding firm in the middle of it all. 

_You really don’t know anything about women, do you?_

Steve’s learned a lot since Peggy levelled that accusation at him, decades ago. 

He’s learned that women do a lot of things that go unnoticed and unappreciated. That they use what they have to make good on what they need. That they’re strong in ways that break mere men, even as they weep, or wail, or mourn. 

Peggy picked up her life after Steve flew the _Valkyrie_ into the ice. Maria picked up her life after she helped Steve trash S.H.I.E.L.D. And Okoye will pick up her life and her country and her world if need be. 

Women, using what they have to anchor the world around them, to make it better, to give others hope. 

To give the terrified man who was once Captain America hope. 

“Let me know what I can do,” he tells her and receives a surprised and gratified look.

“Thank you, Captain Rogers. I will.”

It doesn’t make everything better. It doesn’t make anything right. But...it’s a comfort – a small island of reassuring strength in the midst of chaos and pain and helpless change. 

The center will hold. 

Steve thinks Maria would approve.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I was okay with IW, and then I woke at 3am and realised, no, I'm not.


End file.
